Time for some reader mail:

Dear Sir,

My spaniel is poorly behaved and, I feel, needs to be thoroughly humiliated. Do you have any SPCA approved doggy torture devices?

Disgruntled in Detroit

Dear Disgruntled,

Why yes, a fabulous new line of canine humiliation apparel has just finished the testing phase and is now commercially available from a firm in Japan. Check out their site at: http://www.ne.jp/asahi/beetle/calcium/WANKO.html.

Dear Sir or Ma'am,

What's it like using a urinal anyway; I mean, what's the big deal? I'll hang up and take my answer off the air.

(none given)

Well (none given),

As a matter of fact, anyone with the right equipment can use a urinal and have a great time doing so. So say the makers of "You're In Control", MIT's answer to MSN's iLoo. And to the people who are so interested in finding something to do during their long hours on the potty, I can only say: eat more roughage.

Thanks for the letters, Mike.